


Space Brownies

by DaniJayNel



Category: Canaan (Anime)
Genre: F/F, Lesbians, Space brownies, Weed, Yuri, crack-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 08:45:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1381270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raiden, Alphard's friend, decides to make space brownies. She makes normal, drug free ones for her friends, but accidentally mixes them up. How will Canaan and Alphard deal with accidentally getting high?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space Brownies

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings XD So I wrote a one shot. It was inevitable. Thanks to my sister giving me tons of brilliant ideas, this story was born. I read a hilarious K-on crack fic, and got the urge to write something humorous. This story does link with my story To The Sound Of The Waves, because they’re of course at Alphard’s beach house. If you haven’t read my big story or haven’t reached the chapter with Raiden, then I’ll explain who she is. After moving to S.A Alphard meets Shizuku Raiden, and they become good friends. Though Raiden tends to cause more trouble than she’s worth XD poor Alphard and Canaan. I hope you enjoy this story, because I really enjoyed writing it. Be warned there is a swear word or two, and the mention of a certain substance…

“Alphard!”

“Canaan! We must escape!”

“No Alphard! Don’t leave! You must join us!”

Alphard gasped in fear as she struggled to pull Canaan along the cooling beach sand. The stars twinkled above them and the solitary night was broken by rapid breaths and cries of effort.

“I will not!” Alphard frantically pulled Canaan by her legs, straining hard as the synesthete had her nails dug deeply into the ground.

“They are here to save us Alphard! The aliens are friendly!”

“The Mayans warned us about this Canaan, they will eat us!” Suddenly Canaan was released, all due to Alphard losing her balance and toppling over into the sea water.

The lazy liquid covered a squirming Alphard, gently pulling her to and fro. The former terrorist cried out with tears streaming down her face, an arm stretched out to an equally shocked Canaan.

“Oh my God I’m melting! Canaan I’m sinking and melting!” She flailed her arms and legs in an outright panic, looking from side to side as if that would bring forth a saviour.

“No! Don’t melt! Ah, I’m melting too!” Canaan had tried to come to the rescue, but her hazy mind and thumping heart had caused her to stumble and then fall into the water as well. She cried out in panic.

Alphard couldn’t take it anymore and managed to get up, realizing that she had to get away before she completely melted. Frantic eyes searched over the area until greyish blue locked onto the house off to the trees.

Alphard let out a terrified yell as she sprinted for the house and scaled up the side of it and onto the roof. By some miracle Canaan had discovered that she wasn’t melting and chased after her girlfriend who was now cowering by the edge of the roof.

“Alphard, it’s okay! We didn’t melt, see?” To prove her point she raised her arms high above her head and started swaying with the wind. So distracted she was that only when she heard Alphard’s cry did she open her eyes and see that the raven-head had fallen over the side of the roof and now hung over the edge. “Alphard, no!” Canaan darted forward and grabbed a hold of Alphard’s wrist.

“Canaan, I can’t anymore! I won’t let them get me!” Alphard looked up into Canaan’s face with a determined expression, and then raised her hand and pointed it at her arm.

This whole scene seemed very familiar.

Alphard groaned and flailed her hand around. “I forgot that I don’t have a gun!” She looked about ready to cry.

“A nun!? Where?” Canaan looked up and forgot that she was holding onto Alphard which caused the older woman to fall down. She screamed as she fell and Canaan watched in horror, reaching out only too late. The sudden movement on Canaan’s part caused her to lose balance and fall down after the silenced former terrorist.

The fall was only one floor down.

Both Canaan and Alphard landed on their backs side by side and looked up at the black sky. For no apparent reason they both burst into uncontrollable laughter.

“I nearly died!” Alphard wheezed out after she had nearly choked her lungs up.

“You did!” This caused Canaan to laugh even harder, but then Alphard quieted down and fixed a stern gaze on her white haired companion.

“Are you laughing at me?” Canaan stopped laughing and let her face morph into a serious scowl.

“I will laugh at you if I want to.”

“No you can’t!” Alphard stood up and pointed an angry finger at Canaan. This angered the synesthete more than it should have, as she raised a fist and started swinging it around.

“This is war Alphard!” She yelled and darted forward. “This time I will seriously kill you!”

Alphard didn’t wait to see if the threat was as real as it sounded because she had already turned and ran into the house.

Canaan ran after her but misjudged the distance and ended up running into the wall, inches from the open door. Meanwhile Alphard tried to run through the lounge in a panic, but only managed to trip on every single object in the room.

The synesthete recovered from her intimate moment with the wall and raced into the lounge to find Alphard face down on the floor. She couldn’t help her laughter that came.

Now it was Alphard’s turn to raise a fist in anger. She was ignored, however, as Canaan fell over and laughed until her sides hurt. When she recovered from the laughing fit Canaan looked up to see that she was alone in the room.

“Food.” Was the next and only thing on the white haired girl’s mind. She didn’t know why but she felt really hungry, and so Canaan hurried over to the fridge and all but stuck her head in there. When she removed herself from the cold container she had food hanging from her mouth and packets in each hand.

Before she could enjoy her munchies, though, Alphard jumped out of nowhere and assaulted Canaan with a bra. It went soaring past her head.

Canaan let out a battle yell as she rolled onto the floor and hid behind the couch. When she peeked over the edge she was met with Alphard’s dazed grey eyes.

“Canaan, you’ve turned green!”  Alphard crawled over to Canaan and looked at her with astonishment. Canaan looked back, equally as shocked, but for a different reason.

“Alphard, I didn’t know you had a twin.” She squinted her eyes, closed and opened them, but there still seemed to be two Alphard’s sitting in front of her. Her mind felt ready to explode and without being able to stop herself she fell forward and right on top of Alphard.

The former terrorist fell sluggishly back onto the floor, too dazed and disorientated to dodge or even attempt it. They both lay there, eyes wide and breathing hard.

Alphard was about to struggle but the warm sensation of her lover’s body atop hers soothed her enough to make her sigh. A lazy grin slowly spread out on her face.

“Canaaaan, you’re so warm.” She wrapped her arms around a nearly unconscious synesthete and just rocked them to the sides. Eventually Canaan managed to raise her head, feeling like it weighed a ton, and gazed into enlarged pupils. She felt her heart skip a beat and then lunged forward, attacking Alphard’s lips with her own.

The assault was sudden but not unwanted, and soon both the synesthete and former terrorist were rolling around on the floor in a heated lip-lock.

Alphard opened her eyes and then gasped. She shoved Canaan off of her and then crawled to the open front door, gasping and sputtering.

“You’re not Canaan!” She exclaimed and pointed a shaking finger at the dazed girl still sprawled out on the floor. To her eyes only the synesthete’s skin appeared green and shiny. “I made out with an alien!” She placed her head in her hands and started rocking herself back and forth in comfort.

While Alphard tried to figure out what was going on, Canaan started making a series of choking noises. She looked around in a panic, trying to see if she was really floating or not.

Both Alphard and Canaan were lost in their own peculiar worlds, making strange noises. Hearing this oddity, a figure stepped up onto the patio and regarded the scene with a raised brow.

“Shit.” Raiden exclaimed and bit down onto her lip. “I gave them the wrong set of brownies.” She thought back to a few hours earlier when she had made two batches of brownies. One for Canaan and Alphard, made of normal chocolate brownie ingredients, while the second one might have had some weed added into it.

Feeling guilty and fearing for her life, Raiden quickly grabbed Canaan, who had started talking to a tree, and Alphard who had just sat on the beach staring in wonder at the moon. She managed to pull them into the house and got them into Alphard’s bed where they both passed out.

When morning came Raiden had made breakfast for the two groaning women and tended to their every need after they had woken. Too sick and confused to really wonder, both of them just accepted the food and the service with a nod.

After a while a question formed in Alphard’s recovering mind, and before she could lose the train of thought she turned to a very innocent looking Raiden.

“Rai, what the hell happened to us last night? I can’t remember a thing.”

Canaan was fast asleep, her head resting comfortably on Alphard’s lap who was seated lazily on her couch. Raiden swallowed hard and scratched the back of her head with a sheepish smile.

“Now, don’t kill me Al, but do you remember those brownies I gave to you yesterday?” A frowning Alphard nodded, wondering what her friend screwed up this time. “Well, I had made some for you, and some for myself. I was planning on inviting a few friends over and having a good time…” Raiden trailed off and shifted her gaze, feeling uncomfortable under Alphard’s intense grey eyes. The former terrorist was now completely alert.

“What did you do?” Her voice was soft and calm but laced with a deadly threat, one that Raiden knew all too well.

“Well, see after making them I kind of got them mixed up… I kinda put a teensy bit of weed in the brownies meant for me.”

“Really?”

“Okay, maybe I over did it… I couldn’t remember how much to put in! And since I don’t smoke the stuff I decided to dump all of it in.”

“How much?”

“Well… that isn’t really important here…”

“HOW MUCH?” The angered yell caused Canaan to wake in surprise and when she sat up she regarded the whole scene in confusion.

Raiden had moved to the wall, looking like she was about to run at any moment, while Alphard was glaring at her with murderous intent.

“What’s going on?” Canaan asked and looked to her furious girlfriend.

“Al, it was just, I don’t know, maybe… a whole packet?” The end of the sentence came out in a sort of squeak.

“You gave us brownies filled with weed?!” Alphard stood up in a fast motion, causing Raiden to shield her face reflexively and flinch away from her friend.

“Anywhere but the face Al, just not my face!” Even though Alphard hadn’t made a step towards her, Raiden remained in her defensive pose.

“We shared ONE brownie and it was enough to make us lose our minds?!”

Even though they were both skilled assassins that had matured at such early ages, neither had any experience with any sort of drug. The result? Them getting high out of their minds.

“When I got here Canaan was crying because she thought she was floating and you were going on about having made out with an alien. Then you both ran outside, Canaan going over to a tree and trying to flirt with it. You just went down to the beach and started reciting some type of poem about Doritos.” The more Raiden spoke the angrier Alphard got.

“Why were you even here?”

“I realized that some of my brownies were, you know, weed free? So I came over in hopes that you hadn’t eaten any yet… guess I was too late. I did manage to keep you both from streaking down the beach though! I got you into bed and then stayed here to make up for all this.” Raiden started inching towards the door, eyeing both that and the open window. If it came to escape she was sure that any way would be helpful.

“I’ll give you 10 seconds to run.” Alphard said and headed out of the lounge.

“Where are you going?” Raiden called back, her heart beating wildly in fear. Even though she knew that she would pay dearly for this, she would have the memories of last night to keep her amused until the day she died. When her friend had calmed down about it, she would have plenty of teasing material.

“To get my gun.” The stoic reply came.

Raiden looked to Canaan for help, but she just shrugged her shoulders and grinned.

“You have about 4 seconds left, you know.” Canaan added.

“Geez! You two are evil!” Raiden commented and then bolted out of the door, soon followed by a very angry Alphard with her gun in hand. Canaan sighed and decided to chase after them. It would end badly if her girlfriend really did kill their friend, which at the moment, was very likely.

 _Why can’t they see the humour in this like I can?_ Raiden thought before she heard the cock of a gun and the speedy footsteps behind her. _Ah crap._


End file.
